Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

Filthy checkout cheaters need not apply
So, I was in Walmart to grab just three items and you just never mind what those items were, Nosy Mosey. I was on my way to the express self-checkout line when some weasel with a cart heaped high jumped in front of me and also cut in front of a couple with just a few items of their own. The scoundrel went dashing off to the one free checkout register, but just hold on a second there, you dirty cutting line cutter. The dude was swiftly intercepted by a nice lady in a Walmart smock who glanced into the guy’s cart and deduce there were way, WAY more than 15 items there. She shooed the harried shopper off to another lane and the look of defeat and shame as he rolled his cart away was worth the price of every single item in the store. A heroic lass, that clerk. If I were a single man, I would have proposed to her on the spot.

The mathematics of machismo
So, I finally went snowshoeing after finally running out of reasons not to. I was feeling pretty rugged about the two miles I’d put in on some trail in Raymond until I came back home and read about a group who are presently taking on the 100-mile wilderness, a grueling stretch on the Maine end of the Appalachian Trail. Now I have to go back and do that Raymond trail 50 more times to keep things even.

More competitive winter recreation
Those 100-mile hikers might be pretty badass and all, but let’s see how they do in the competitive snow angel circuit. I’m pretty great at it. I had one near perfection the other day when a couple bully cops came over and demanded that I remove myself from the middle of Pine Street.

Some weather we’re having
Would you believe me if I told you I actually miss writing weather stories a little bit? After 30 years of grousing, throwing tantrums and occasionally holding my breath until I turn blue, I find that, now that I’m not asked to write about the weather so often, I get all nostalgic about it. Do you think there might be something wrong with me? Is it possible I’m a changeling? Is there some kind of test I can take?

Lisbon Street News named top lottery sales outlet in Maine
Well, huh. I’m at this store at least once a week for — but just you never mind what I buy there — and yet I’ve never bought a lottery ticket. If my maths are correct after reading this article, I’m practically guaranteed to become a millionaire if I grab a lotto ticket every time I’m in there buying that weird thing I buy. And once again I say to you fine people: So long, suckers!