When talking to someone anticipating death, the best way to approach the conversation is with simplicity and to speak openly.

“Talking about death is not something that should be complicated,” hospice volunteer Kerry Read said. “We should find comfort in the conversation and bring curiosity. What do you do? How do you plan? Do you need to get your life in order? And what are your choices” for the end.

In March and April, Read and certified death doulas Janet Willie, LMT/LPN and Lee Berry, RN, will host eight “Death Cafe” sessions in Paris, leading discussions about death and dying.

The meetings will be held at the Paris Public Library’s community room at 39 Main St. on Sundays from 4-5:15 p.m. From there they expect the “Death Cafe” to visit other communities, including Bethel, Stoneham, West Paris, Lovell and Bridgton.

In the British tradition it developed from, “Death Cafe” participants can expect to partake in tea, sample cake, and indulge in conversation.

“The ‘Death Cafe’ is open to all,” Read said. “It is a safe place for people to ask questions about death, to talk about experiences they’ve had with death. It’s to satisfy curiosity.”

She said topics can include voicing one’s personal fears and expectations, learning what’s involved with stating final wishes, estate planning, or options for burial or cremation.

“This is not a grief or counseling session, but a public forum to discuss, share and learn about dying,” Read said. “In our culture it is almost taboo to talk about, but it shouldn’t be such a sensitive topic.”

Read became interested in the process after considering her own end of life affairs and attending a death doula workshop at the Common Ground Fair. Since then, she has become a hospice volunteer and has attended other cafes.

Willie, the session facilitator, became certified as a death doula about three years ago, undergoing training with a well-known doula based in Los Angeles. Since then, development programs have sprung up more locally at places such the University of New England in Biddeford and the University of Vermont.

Doulas can specialize in areas where they already have expertise or that resonate with their values.

“People bring different skill sets,” Willie explained. “There is estate management and administration, which is not my thing. Some will provide assistance in making final preparations.”

Willie has found her strength as a death doula is in helping people understand resources and options for their final rites. With her background as a nurse she has provided care taking services to clients and support to loved ones.

Her focus is often on the details — how someone anticipating death wishes to be dressed at the end, how they want their surroundings arranged, selecting music, and who to have near. 

She has helped people plan and carry out their final activities ahead of time. One artist wanted to paint as they neared the end. Others may want to prepare and plant gardens, knowing their time will have come by the time the seeds begin to sprout.

A death doula provides support but the “Death Cafe” provides a space to pursue reflection.

“We need open conversations,” Willie said. “Why are we surprised that we’re going to die? Let’s be a part of our own process.”