Big game today. But then, if Rex Ryan has your phone number, you already knew that.

Ryan, the new New York Jets coach with a mouth and stomach big enough to digest New Jersey, left a voice mail message this week imploring Jets fans to scream their lungs out, get rowdy and be an overwhelming nuisance to the New England Patriots for Sunday’s AFC East rivalry game at the Meadowlands.

At first, I thought this was a waste of time. Jets fans don’t know how to do anything but act like obnoxious thugs at a football game. This is a stunt a high school coach would be embarrassed to pull. “Hey gang, those jerks from New England are coming to town again. Remember last year when they stole our goat mascot, Percy? Well, we’re gonna show them. So everybody bring your pom-poms, wear your letter sweaters and root, root, root for your favorite team. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!”

It may be sophomoric, but if the Jets beat the Patriots today, it could start a new trend throughout sports. Coaches will start roaming the white pages and call people at random, begging them to make some noise for the home team.

Actually, word came out late Saturday that some coaches didn’t even wait to see if it worked for the Jets. For instance, Cowboys coach Wade Phillips called up Dallas fans at the last minute to get them pumped up for game tonight against the Giants:

“Hey there, Cowboys fans. This is your ol’ buddy Wade Phillips. We’re gettin’ all gussied up for our first game in our big ol’ new stadium against them city slickers from New York and, shoot, we need y’all to come out and make it a down home hootenanny, ya hear? Ol’ Boss Jerry has built us a big ol’ new stadium and, whew, it sure is perty. It’s got a big ol’ video screen with what you call that there high defeee-nition and it sure is somethin’ to look at. But listen, this aint like watchin’ no game on the Teee-V. No sir. You need to watch what’s a-goin’ on on the field and git to hollerin’ and a-cussin’ and carryin’ on and wave your 10-gallon hats in the air and all that.  Even when we get down by a couple of touchdowns early and the Giants have their punter start to stallin’ by kickin’ the ball off the screen over and over agin, y’all need to stop ogglin’ the cheerleaders on that there board and git to doin’ that fan stuff you used to do when the Cowboys were relevant and the players were rentin’ crack houses two blocks from the stadium. Gotta go now. Boss Jerry needs me to pick up his dry cleanin’.”  

Raiders coach Tom Cable is at a disadvantage over most of his peers. He can’t contact his fans until he talks to their parole officers first. That didn’t discourage him from putting out this message, though:

“Hello, Raider Nation. This is Tom Cable. I’m the coach of the Raiders right now. I’m calling to talk about how much optimism we all have for the season and what you can do to bring us back to respectability. We’ve made some bold draft picks and trades. We duped Bill Belichick into thinking Richard Seymour was finished. We came this close to beating the Chargers on Monday night. I know you’re frustrated, and I know on the surface it may look like we’re run by the warmed-over corpse of Jerry Lee Lewis, but we’re making progress. What we need from all of you is to get out of Mom and Dad’s basement, put on your make-up and Star Wars gear, and come out to the Coliseum to show our opponents what Raider Nation is all about. But please don’t go over the line. Look, I like to crack skulls as much as you do, but you’ve scared off anybody with gainful employment from buying tickets and now we’re looking at having most of our games blacked out. Not that that makes any difference to me or Al Davis. He smells like an old saddle and Vitalis. Please get me out of here.”

It isn’t just football coaches making the phone calls, either:

“Hi, Angels fans. This is manager Mike Scioscia. First, I wanted to thank you for supporting us this year. You burned your Dodgers season-ticket application rejection letters and brought your rally monkeys to the ballpark and really got behind us. And for that, the players and I are grateful. So grateful, in fact, that we thought we’d do you a favor and suggest you not buy tickets to the upcoming ALDS series against the Boston Red Sox. Seriously, why bother? We all know what’s going to happen. We’ll get an early lead, the Red Sox will come back. We’ll get another lead, the Red Sox will come back. Come the sixth or seventh inning, we’ll pull in front again, then we’ll drop a pop fly or double-clutch on a sure double play, and that will open the door for the Red Sox to come back again. We’ll take a small lead again and then I’ll start over-managing and tell Vladimir Guerrero to bunt with the bases loaded to take us out of a big inning. Then our closer will implode in the ninth and we’ll go to extra innings, where we’ll throw a runner out at the plate but he’ll be called safe and the Red Sox will win. So, just save yourself the doe and the heartache. It just isn’t meant to be.”

I really think Rex Ryan may be on to something here, but it could go too far. We’ll know this will have really gotten out of hand if Bill Belichick starts calling Patriots fans:

“Hi, um, this is Bill Belichick. I’m just doing what’s best for the football team and calling Patriots fans to let them know that, really, all we’re trying to do is win a game here.  We only have 16 games, um, and all of them are important. Look, if there aren’t any more questions, I have to go. I’ve got some film to watch and then, uh, Jon Bon Jovi’s coming over for lunch. It is what it is.”

I don’t know if I’d save that message or immediately delete it.