Tap, tap, tap. Is this thing on?

Ahem. Attention please.

Would Adalius Thomas please report to Gillette Stadium? Adalius Thomas, please report to Gillette Stadium.

Thank you.

Look, Adalius. We’ve done our part. We’ve defended you against Ray Lewis’ claims that you were riding on his coattails all those years in Baltimore. We’ve even corrected people who have mispronounced your first name, calling you “A-day-lee-us,” rather than “A-day-lus.”

Now, it’s time for you to do your part.

Start earning your dough, buddy.

Is it too much to ask for one impact play against San Diego this week? That would be one more than you made last week. It would be one more than you’ve made most weeks.

You were supposed to be a game-changing linebacker when the Patriots signed you as a free agent from the Baltimore Ravens. But me and the rest of Patriot Nation are still waiting for even shades of that alleged dominance.

Certainly, you haven’t made one of those “Wow” plays that you were supposedly known for since that interception return for a touchdown in Week 2 against the Chargers. You remember that play, don’t you, Adalius? You picked off a Philip Rivers pass, then flew down the sideline like you were a 190-pound tailback rather than a 270-pound linebacker. That play was a rare showcase of the kind of intelligence, athleticism and competitiveness you bring to the gridiron. We’ve only seen glimpses of it since. Maybe seeing the lightning bolts again will get you going again.

Yeah, I know you’ve been asked to do a lot of different things by Bill Belichick, subtle stuff that those of us who don’t own a hoodie wouldn’t know about. I know once Rosevelt Colvin went down for the season, you had to move from inside linebacker to outside linebacker. I know that’s a tough adjustment. And I know that whether you were playing inside or outside, you’ve had to help cover for the shortcomings of Junior Seau and Tedy Bruschi.

But versatility was supposed to be your strength. You were billed as an impact player from anywhere on the football field. You could be a down lineman, you could play inside or outside. Heck, you were even supposed to be able to play safety. At the very lease, you were supposed to be the new Willie McGinest, a guy who went here, there and everywhere to make plays.

But you’re not making plays. In fact, there was one game in Indianapolis, merely the biggest game of the season, where I hardly saw you at all. You were on the field for, what, five snaps. Is that what the highest-paid linebacker in football is supposed to do, save up his strength for five plays?

I’ve seen the back of your jersey blocking out more tackles from the cameras than actually making tackles. It took me longer to learn James Sanders’ jersey number (36) than yours (96) because he usually had two or three guys piled on top of him while he was making a tackle or an assist. It seems like I’m seeing your number upright on every play. You’re like a county sheriff’s deputy. You’re always on the scene, but you’re usually not the one making the arrest.

It is very important that you start making some arrests this Sunday, though, or at least steer the fleeing criminals towards your back-up. Whether it’s LaDainian Tomlinson or Michael Turner or that midget, Darren Sproles, running the ball for San Diego, they’re going to try to run it outside. That’s what all of those guys do best. They turn the corner and turn on the speed.

As you know, your job as an outside linebacker for Bill Belichick is to set the edge, meaning you are not, under any circumstances, to allow the running backs to get outside of you. Too often since you’ve moved outside, I’ve seen you get run over by a pulling guard or even a fullback, leaving the defense vulnerable to being outflanked. Your old team, the Ravens, absolutely destroyed you a few times that way. Try to at least stay on your feet until the guy with the ball gets past the line of scrimmage on Sunday, will ya?

The Chargers will do whatever they can to get their tailbacks outside, even if it means throwing them the ball. We all know that Seau and Bruschi don’t have a prayer of covering any of those guys, so that assignment may fall on you. I’m not asking you to keep up with those twerps stride-for-stride, but you can at least maybe chip them coming out of the backfield and cover them for 10 or 15 yards before you pass them off to a safety, right?

Oh, and I’m not going to hold you to this because I know it goes beyond your job description, but in the event you do tackle somebody, could you steer the guy in the opposite direction of Rodney Harrison? You know how Rodney gets this time of year, or at least you should after last weekend. Any late hits you can help prevent will be greatly appreciated.