Baseball’s latest drug scandal hit the fan this week.

Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Jason Grimsley was busted by the feds for accepting a $3,200 shipment of human growth hormone. Agents raided Grimsley’s home and he spilled the beans, ratting out numerous fellow Major Leaguers in an affidavit that was redacted to protect the innocent, and Barry Bonds.

Unfortunately for the feds, Grimsley refused to go a step further and grant the agents’ request that he wear a wire and get other players, particularly Bonds, to implicate themselves in this sordid mess. They did, however, sweet-talk a number of other people in Major League Baseball into wearing a wire in their daily conversations for the purposes of investigating other transgressions going on in the game. The transcripts of these conversations were not redacted (I think that means “turned into an ESPN movie”) and have been made available to the media. They contain some rather interesting and incisive dialogue:

• Late last month, Kansas City Royals general manager Allard Baird was called into team owner David Glass’ office. Glass, who made his fortune as President and CEO of Wal-Mart, was frustrated over the team’s poor start to the 2006 season, and he wanted some answers.

Glass: Allard, we’re 3-22 on the road this year.

Baird: Yes, Mr. Glass.

Glass: You know what that means? That means I’m going to have to do something …

Baird: Mr. Glass, we already traded Carlos Beltran …

Glass: Something quick …

Baird: and Jermaine Dye …

Glass: Something decisive …

Baird: and Raul Ibanez …

Glass: Something that says we mean business …

Baird: and fired Tony Pena …

Glass: Something that shake this organization out of its doldrums …

Baird: and cut the payroll by $20 million …

Glass: Something to get everyone’s mind off all this losing.

Baird: and turned a once model franchise into the laughing stock of baseball.

Glass: Allard, you’re fired.

Baird: Thank you, Mr. Glass. Can I have back the $100 I loaned you?

Glass: No. Clean up in Aisle 3!

• Last Tuesday, the New York Mets played the Los Angeles Dodgers in a game that featured a reunion of four key members of the 2003 Boston Red Sox – Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, Nomar Garciaparra and Grady Little. Martinez and Lowe went head-to-head on the mound, but after six innings, the Dodgers had a seemingly comfortable 8-2 lead. Before the seventh, Little approached Lowe in the Dodger dugout.

Little: How you feelin’, big guy?

Lowe: Pretty good, skip.

Little: Listen, Petey, I got all the faith in the world in you, but you know the old sayin, “Fool me once, shame on you…”

Lowe: But Grady, I’m Derek. Pedro pitches for the Mets, and he left after the fifth.

Little: Sorry, I learned my lesson.

Lowe: Skip, it’s me. D-Lowe. Pedro’s out of the game. Pedro’s out of the game.

Little: Sorry, Petey, you ain’t talkin’ me out of it this time. Yep, Timlin in the eighth, Williamson in the ninth.

• Media reports out of New York indicate that aging Yankees owner George Steinbrenner is slowly losing his grip on reality, having difficulty keeping pace with the day-to-day operation of the ballclub and remembering the names of his star players. A recent conversation with GM Brian Cashman backs up these media claims.

Steinbrenner: Listen, kid. Don’t think I don’t know what’s been going on around here. What did you do with that guy we had playing right field, the one who was mad all the time?

Cashman: You mean Gary Sheffield?

Steinbrenner: Jesse Barfield?

Cashman: No, Gary Sheffield. He’s hurt. He had to have wrist surgery and is out until September.

Steinbrenner: What about that Asian guy in left? He used to play every day. What did you do, trade him for that Clemens kid?

Cashman: No, sir. He hurt his wrist, too. He’s out for the year.

Steinbrenner: That’s a lot of big bats. Lotta big bats. The third baseman hasn’t been doing anything since we got him either. I saw that error he made in the Boston game. We need a guy who can make those plays. Go get that guy that used to play with us, made a bunch of plays in the World Series for us one year, what’s his name…

Cashman: You mean Scott Brosius, sir?

Steinbrenner: No, the one who spelled his first name funny.

Cashman: Graig Nettles, sir?

Steinbrenner: That’s the guy. Sign him to a four-year contract.

Cashman: But he’s 61 years old!

Steinbrenner: Five-year contract.