It’s just two hours past lunch time but three hours until you go home, and you need some sort of an office pick-me-up.

Sniffing Liquid Paper is not an option.

Coffee is what you want: fruit of the bean, java, joe. Hot, dark and strong. You have time for a quick trip around the office, but not enough to make it to the corner coffee shop. Office coffee is your only choice. 

Office coffee:  Two words that can sour the stoutest stomach and turn the tongue. Until recently, office coffee was your only any-port-in-a-storm choice when it came to caffeinating those late afternoon doldrums.

But modern technology now offers options that help get you back to work without making your eyes cross.

Consider the Keurig, ranking king of the coffee pods. A little plastic pod slipped into a machine results in a decent cuppa, according to the machine’s fans. Some have even traded in their kitchen drip coffee makers for by-the-cup Keurigs.

But without the machine, coffee pods aren’t much use. Starbucks, the folks who’ve taught us the words “vente” and “trente” and “barista,” debuted their own answer in 2009. Starbucks Via coffee is sold in single-serving pouches — small enough to stash in a drawer or a shirt pocket. Add hot water and stir and you get a cup. But how does it compare the variety of quick coffees you get at the store?

Of course, there’s the old instant standbys: Folgers Crystals and Taster’s Choice. Folgers Crystals looks pretty much like it did when Grandma tried to serve it to you. Taster’s Choice debuted their own Via-sized packets last year, quietly updating their image. But did they update their flavor?

And if your office is so equipped — as is the Sun Journal — there is always the coffee vending machine stored way in the back. Most are kind of like a coffee slot machine: Pump in your quarters and take your chances.

We wanted to test all of them, and that’s what we did. We assembled a small panel of java junkies — in a newsroom, that’s way too easy — sat them down for a blind taste test and made them drink.

Here’s what they tested, in order, from least costly to most costly per cup.

• Folgers Crystals: classic roast, $1.98 for small bottle (makes 30 cups according to the directions), about 7 cents a cup.
• Taster’s Choice packet: medium roast, $2.98 for 20 packets, about 15 cents per six-ounce cup.
• Folgers Coffee Singles: “coffee bags,” Classic Roast, $3.68 for 19 bags, 19 cents per cup.
• Coffee vending machine: Ours notes that the water is filtered and the coffee is “freshly ground and brewed,” 50 cents per cup.
• Green Mountain Nantucket blend for the Keurig: $9.88 for 18 cups, 55 cents per cup.
• Starbucks Via Microground Ready Brew: medium roast, $7.98 for 8 cups, about 99 cents per cup.

We stayed away from flavored coffees — hazelnut, Irish cream and cinnamon varieties — and served everything black. We prepared the coffees exactly as instructed on the packaging, offered cream, sugar or other sweeteners for those inclined to such things, and turned them loose.

 Here’s what we learned from our testers:

Grandma did not know best

When it comes to giving instant coffee a bad name, our panel blamed Folgers Crystals, the venerable coffee solution that was the only option for our unfortunate ancestors.

Panelists had nothing nice to say about the concoction — and frequently they said bad, unrepeatable things.

“Smells horrid,” wrote Photographer Daryn Slover. “I would quit drinking coffee if this was all there was.”

Web Editor Pattie Reaves said it smelled like parmesan cheese, while Design Maven Heather McCarthy warned potential drinkers away: “Yuck! Do not drink this. Awful.”

Plastic, dust and smelly socks

The panel was mixed about the sample we coaxed out of the corner coffee vending machine. While former barista and self-described coffee snob photographer Amber Waterman rated it below even the maligned Folgers Crystals, colleague Slover put it in third place.

“My wife would like this,” he wrote. “She likes weak coffee. Not too bad.”

But nobody was fooled by the blind sample in their cups; they all pegged it for vending machine coffee right away.

“Interesting smell — tastes old; a hint of plastic, dust and smelly socks,” wrote Photographer Russ Dillingham.

Check your bags

If the Folgers Coffee Singles suffered, it might be blamed on poor preparation, even though we followed the directions to the letter. We let the coffee bags soak for one minute, then dunked them vigorously for 15 seconds.

The result was weak. Panelists said it might be better if we’d let them soak longer.

“Tastes a little better than dirty hot water, but not much,” wrote Regional Editor Scott Thistle. 

But Slover actually liked it.

“Good. Better than what I drink at home,” he wrote.

Poor Daryn.

Machine logic

The biggest surprise came when the Green Mountain coffee for the Keurig machine landed in third place overall. We’ve heard wonderful things about the machines, and a number of Sun Journal employees use them at home. Of course, the brand of coffee used in the Keurig will make a difference, but we felt pretty safe using the Green Mountain brand.

“Not too bad,” wrote Thistle. “I could drink this in a pinch or an ice storm power outage.” Using a backup generator, of course.

But Waterman wasn’t impressed.

“Coffee tea,” she wrote. “(Better than the Folgers coffee bags), but not much.”

Firmly in second place

The Taster’s Choice offering did well, garnering two first-place votes and two-second place votes. Combined with a thrifty price, 15 cents per cup, and we might have something to work with here.

“Smells a ‘little’ off, but tasted better than it smelled,” wrote McCarthy. “Actually tasted pretty good with half-and-half.”

Reaves liked it, too.

“More like regular coffee,” she wrote. “Stronger, roasty, full bodied. Actually, not that bad.”

Pricey, but nice

The clear, but not unanimous, winner was the Starbucks Via Ready Brew. At a buck a cup — two-thirds of what you’d pay at the store — it had better be.

“Nice and strong,” Waterman wrote. “Oh yeah, baby. Lovin’ this cup.”

Thistle agreed.

“Rich, bold taste, not too bitter, but a great firm bite,” he wrote. “This is coffee.”

Only Slover wasn’t a fan.

“Tastes like the bottom of the pot,” he wrote. “Yuck.”

[email protected]