I’m frightened and/or flattered So, I got this handwritten letter in the mail and I just don’t know what to make of it. The letter writer might be ebullient or he might be enraged, it’s hard to tell. “You called me out. Well, here I am,” the letter begins. “I’m tired of the bull, so […]

Suze would like me to write about autumn traditions. “My kids used to peg apples at each other,” she says. Ah, youth. Dana suggested comparing the use of methamphetamine in Lewiston with the use of methamphetamine on the hit series “Breaking Bad.” “How about tattoos?” Diane said. How about heavy metal, suggests a member of […]

Hot in the city You know it’s September when you step outside in your fluffy slippers, thermal pantaloons, river driver and earmuffs to find that it’s 90 degrees out there and humid. Something about rats procreating in a wool sock. You’ll go outside tomorrow wearing nothing but a codpiece only to discover that it has […]

The Dating Game In order to prepare this publication for print, I first had to slap Sunday’s date onto the end of it. Due to some malfunction, the date keeps appearing as Sept. 1. Ha ha ha! Technology, eh? So stupid. There’s no WAY it’s September already. I mean, summer has only just begun, am […]

What? Got a message on my newsroom phone Tuesday that came out garbled. To me, it sounded like, “blah, blah, blah, shoehorn, yada, yada, those plastic things on the end of shoelaces, gurp, glomp, glum. Call me as soon as you venison patty.” I don’t like to miss calls because you never know what adventures […]

So, it’s Thursday afternoon and the police scanner is alive with chatter. I’m just getting to the office and all I want to do is pound out a couple routine stories so I can go out and play with the other hooligans. I’m off to a fast start. “In Lewiston today —” Frankly, I’m lucky […]

Do you guys remember summer? Since it’s the middle of August and it barely reaches 70 degrees most days, I guess it’s time to turn our attention to autumnal things, like apples and pumpkins and dead things found in the woods. Got your snow tires yet? Any luck with that moose permit? What will you […]

It came to me in the night. What Lewiston needs is a dome over it, a big overturned clear-glass bowl that separates us from our neighbors. Think of it: no more riffraff coming in from Greene and Turner. No more Auburnites sneaking over in their kayaks and hot air balloons. With the crack pipeline choked […]