I think it’s only fair to warn you: I am in possession of a shod foot and I’m not afraid to use it. Forgive my surliness. I’ve been reading through the latest list of criminal indictments, where court folks take exciting local crimes and twist them into confusing, dull and overly long paragraphs of legalese. […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: I could’ve been somebody
Story of my life Saw a bumper sticker on a car in Lewiston the other day that made me snort. It said: “I was an honor roll student. I don’t know what happened.” I’d get one myself, but who am I kidding? As far as I know, to get on the honor roll, one has […]
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Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: The weird world of postal delivery
I apologized to the mailman as vehemently as possible, but after a while, it just started to feel weird. I was, after all, standing on the stoop in my underwear, a cigarette in one hand, an ice scraper in the other. I had locked myself out of my apartment, you see, and had been trying […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: You’re going out in THAT?
Duck, duck goose Searching some ne’er-do-well’s criminal history the other day, I came across a prior conviction for the charge of “unlawful use of a migratory game bird.” I have no idea what that charge entails, but can you imagine the scene when the accused is leaning against a wall in the prison yard, cigarette […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: History repeats itself
You must forgive my disheveled appearance this morning. The uncombed hair, the week’s worth of beard, that distinct man scent that follows the terminally unwashed … I’m just back from vacation, you understand, and I’ve been on a bender. Not the old-style bender, mind you — surely you would have read about that in the […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme, Uncategorized
Street Talk: History repeats itself
You must forgive my disheveled appearance this morning. The uncombed hair, the week’s worth of beard, that distinct man scent that follows the terminally unwashed … I’m just back from vacation, you understand, and I’ve been on a bender. Not the old-style bender, mind you — surely you would have read about that in the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web, Uncategorized
Talk of the town: What I won't do for love
Baby Cakes Hee. I was behind a minivan the other day that bore a license plate with some variation of that name on it. Baby Cakes. I snickered. I guffawed. I both snickered and guffawed to the point where I was actually snickuffering. Then I pulled up alongside the van and saw that the dude […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web, Uncategorized
Talk of the town: Does this look infected to you?
Deliver me So, somewhere in Androscoggin County Wednesday afternoon, a man was reported to have emerged from the woods, carrying a banjo and reportedly howling at various things. There’s no crime in that. Unless, of course, you left Ned Beatty back in the woods somewhere, in which case I foresee all sorts of trouble. My […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Hookers, johns and Judgment Day
The man was the very definition of humility. He came into the newsroom with his hat in hand, an older fellow whose eyes were red, either from crying or trying not to. He was shaking. He was pale. He was terrified. “Does my name have to go in the paper?” he asked. “Can’t you leave […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Alive with pleasure
The truth is out there, maybe NASA is still going on about those seven new “planets” they’ve recently “discovered” in a solar system a light fathom or two away. Stinking liars. I checked the sky with my own telescope, the powerful Walmart 50×168-WTF and I didn’t see any planets out there. Come to think of […]