A tale of two dresses Is it white and gold? Blue and black? Science has shown that because of subtle variations in optic melanin, 45 percent of us just do not care. P.S. It’s white and gold. If you think otherwise, you’re clearly drunk and should have your melanin checked. Sketchy part IV Another stroke […]

Hello, stranger. That’s a mighty fine beard you got there. It’s all thick and full and with that suit and tie, it’s just wonderfully ironic. Congratulations on the facial flora, my friend. That’s remarkable growth for a 9-year-old. Everybody’s got a beard these days. One recent day, my colleague Chris Williams came sauntering into the […]

Buffoons in space So, 100 people will vie for chances to be the first on Mars, their existence there to be recorded for cosmic posterity in reality-show format. Somewhere in deep space, a nine-fingered extraterrestrial just slapped his forehead. Instead of a John Glenn, a Magellan or a Ponce de Leon, we’ll have the collective […]

“What would happen if every human in Lewiston disappeared? This isn’t the story of how we might vanish; it’s the story of what will happen to the Lewiston we leave behind.” 100 YEARS AFTER LEWISTON Along what was once Pine Street, where snowbanks and parked cars narrowed the roadway to the width of a human […]

Wussified? Last week, there was a call over the police scanner wherein somebody asked for help after stumbling out of a chair and stubbing her toe. A few days later, an ambulance was requested after a woman cut herself shaving whilst in the shower. Soon after, a young lady demanded paramedics because her right pinky […]

It’s my fault I take full responsibility. Two days before a monster storm roared over us, I stood in my driveway, clearing away a piddling six inches of snow and chatting with my father-in-law. “Been a pretty easy winter,” I said, like a stupid teenager in a horror movie talking about how it’s probably safe […]