Rangeley town manager quits after four days I love the scene this sets: “I quit!” “Who the hell are you?” Cutler gets nod on environment from Muskie’s son I like this one, too. Cutler: “So, how about that work I did on the environment?” Muskie’s son nods. Voters urged to reject pot Me, I’d rather […]

So, it’s Sunday and life just stinks. It’s not the weather. Why, it’s 80 perfect degrees out there, with a lemon-yellow sun hanging in a perfect blue sky. It’s not for lack of fun. Why, the old gang is gathered in yonder backyard for a weekend barbecue. The smell of sizzling burgers and corn on […]

Fashion police The following is a real police call, where a dispatcher was passing along the description of a suspect. It’s mostly a real call, anyway. OK, a very small part of it is. Dispatcher: “Suspect might be wearing white jeans, but it’s possible they’re khaki.” Cop: “Pleated?” Dispatcher: “A very nice box pleat that […]

Hello, there. That sure is a pretty dress. Would you care to dance? Psych! I don’t want to dance with you, lovely as you are. Don’t take it personally. If Aphrodite herself swooped down from the mythical realm and tried leading me to the dance floor, I’d shove her into the coat room and run […]

Get your deer yet? Sorry. Just practicing. How long do we have . . . Until some killjoy exclaims, with the enthusiasm of a crow finding dead meat: “Hey! The leaves on that tree are starting to change colors!” Those people . . . I say we stuff corn down their pants and use them […]

It was an afternoon just like this one. Only it was March instead of September and I was 20 years younger. I didn’t have any stupid gray hair in my goatee, which was fine because goatees hadn’t been invented yet. It was an afternoon somewhat similar to this one. I had recently moved to Lewiston […]

Salmon cannon This new technology is being used to suck up fish and spit them out on the other side of a dam so they can spawn and whatnot. Very clever. I’m thinking if we used this same technology to spit commuters back and forth across the Androscoggin River in the Twin Cities, I wouldn’t […]

When I first moved to Lewiston, I took a lot of photographs. Here’s my first apartment on Nichols Street! Those holes in the walls were there when I got there, mind you. Don’t try charging me for that crap. Here’s my favorite downtown bar! Here’s my first girlfriend, my second girlfriend and a woman who […]

Bad news The Sun Journal’s dyspeptic sportswriter Randy Whitehouse is leaving. This is a huge blow. I’ve always thought of His Surliness as one of the finest writers the state has to offer, although his brilliance has always been whisper quiet. He’s insightful, he’s funny and he works like a farm mule. Kind of looks […]