The dude worked Lisbon Street like he knew his way around. Like he owned the place, in fact. He wore a shiny leather coat and his hair was neatly groomed. He ducked into a specialty liquor place and emerged with a bottle of wine. A few doors down, he slipped into a health food restaurant, […]

Up in smoke Wednesday afternoon, at the top of the courthouse steps in Auburn, I found an empty pack of cigarettes with a message scrawled on the side. It was soggy and the letters were starting to run, but the bright pink message was very clear. It said: “I love you!” Out there on the […]

My shame is great For years, I’ve been tooling on you ween . . . you people who frequently sport sweater vests. I’ve made fun of you relentlessly and without remorse. What a jerk, huh? Well, fear not. Comeuppance is at hand. Recently, some weasel from the old block posted on Facebook some photos of […]

In place of my usual rantings this morning, I’d like to spend this time reading you a poem that’s very dear to me. Ha-ha! I’m kidding! A poem! Can you imagine? You should see your face. Forgive my mirth. What I’d really like to do today is to strap a big ponytail onto this column. […]

Good morning, deranged person. I see you sitting there with your big, fuzzy slippers (the French call them ‘pee shoes’), your steaming cup of cocoa and your fresh-off-the-press copy of Leaf Peeper Times. The crisp, cool air outside is tempered by the crackling heat of the wood stove. You have a bowl of candy corn […]

Frost on the pumpkin I couldn’t be more furious. I first spotted one sitting on a doorstep in a quiet Lewiston neighborhood. A fluke, I figured. Some mentally unbalanced person put it there at random. Tomorrow she’ll put a grapefruit on her steps. Maybe a toaster oven a day after that. But there are more […]

So, it’s the middle of the day and I’m buzzing up College Street in Lewiston. For one reason or another (I may not get enough fiber in my diet), I had an out-of-body experience like you read about. For a span of perhaps 4 minutes, I seemed to be floating over the world, watching instead […]