Just thinking about the act of writing about the politics of the day triggered a gag reflex so powerful, it nearly made me throw up on my cat again.
Mark LaFlamme
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Mark LaFlamme: Low-hanging fruit and other afflictions
Crack in a bag You know what’s an abomination? Unshelled pistachios. They sell them in all the grocery stores now — they might as well sell pure heroin right there in the produce section. If you don’t have the mouth-watering, finger-bleeding agony of trying to open the shells to get at the delicious nut, your […]
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‘He’s awesome!’ Walking the beat with Officer Ryan Gagnon
All summer long, Gagnon, a Lewiston-native and former Portland cop, has been walking his new downtown Lewiston beat. Residents and business owners say he has quickly created a noticeable improvement to the area.
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Mark LaFlamme: Missing kids and worst-case scenarios
These were the days before the internet and cellphones, but I tell you, rumors of a missing kid still had a way of spreading like wildfire. Word spread through corner stores, laundromats, lumber yards, hair salons . . .
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Mark LaFlamme: Where are the hula hoops, harmonicas and pogo sticks?
A good day to castrate farm animals Hey, don’t look at me like that. This wasn’t my idea. I ain’t castrating anybody. I’m just pointing out that, according to The Farmer’s Almanac, now is a good time if you’re into this sort of thing. And let’s face it: is anything more embarrassing than performing a […]
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Mark LaFlamme: The truck makes the man
I’m pretty sure that simply by thinking real hard, I could grow a mustache on the spot.
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Mark LaFlamme: Gourd fondling enthusiasts rejoice!
Thinking before you speak ain’t no fun You know what else stinks about this work-from-home business? The constant threat of private moments being shared through Zoom or whatever god-forsaken technology presently has its giant eyes and ears open in your house. My wife, working from her home office in the living room, is always engaged […]
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Mark LaFlamme: As easy as falling off a bike
Taking it to the streets On Tuesday, one of my downtown friends reported a woman dragging a vacuum cleaner up Pine Street just a few minutes before midnight. Finally there’s someone willing to get out there and clean up the downtown. A-OK, good buddy Well, it finally happened. While attempting to fix a broken knob […]
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Mark LaFlamme: I’m just going to go ahead and punt
Polar vortex is back Oh, look. We’re calling it the “polar vortex” again. Why do you gotta be all fancy about it, weather people? Back in my day, we called that “cold air from Canada.” And we rolled our eyes when we said it, as though the Canadian people were directly responsible for this outrage. […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Bigfoot, Sizzler and the unfortunate gnu incident
I wish I could just come out and report it: Bigfoot has been spotted running amok and terrorizing town folk in the wilds of Turner. Or possibly Greene. We’re talking about the legendary, hirsute biped out there uprooting trees, slaughtering livestock and eating slow-moving hikers like they were pork rinds. Or possibly Funyuns. I’d like […]