You can’t win 11 regional basketball championships in a row. I mean, it’s logically, physically, spiritually and ethically impossible.

C’mon, nobody wins 11 straight anything. You could be a professional cheater, start out with hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place and not win 11 consecutive games of Monopoly.

Put Michael Jordan’s Bulls in a time machine, give them 11 opportunities to confront Larry Bird’s Celtics and they’re bound to win at least once.

The law of averages, the law of diminishing returns and plain, old dumb luck should have opened the door for some school, any school, to turn the tables on the Dirigo High School girls by now.

Instead, the Cougars have hoisted those tables, slammed them to the ground and shattered them in a million pieces with all the subtlety of a 295-pound behemoth from Extreme Hardcore Wrestling.

Funny thing is, when Dirigo started this insane sectional tournament winning streak, said behemoth checked in at 5-foot-5 and 140. And pro wrestling was popular.

Baseball players were skinny, too.

I had thick, dark hair.

Bill probably hadn’t even met Monica.

Dirigo sophomores Abby Fenstermacher, Katie Hutchinson, Megan Russell, Katherine Gagne and Shannon Daley probably had just shipped their Barney gear to the Salvation Army thrift store. They were in kindergarten, you see.

Thirty-three games, the Cougars have won without interruption against Western Maine playoff opponents. Wow, they sound almost mortal when you put it in those terms.

Did we mention that The Streak covers more than one-third the history of organized, Maine Principals’ Association-sanctioned girls’ basketball? In a pre-Title IX world, our state didn’t even recognize regional champions until 1975.

To fathom a mathematical equivalent, imagine winning the American League pennant 35 or 40 years in a row.

It’ll never happen, George, not even with a $50 billion payroll.

Let’s drop gender from the discussion and make it clear that no program in Maine’s fun, folksy, proud basketball history has sniffed this accomplishment.

The second-longest streak is active.

Valley (which used to be known as Upper Kennebec Valley Memorial High School of Bingham until rampant basketball success made the school Maine’s equivalent of Madonna and Magic) just won its eighth consecutive Western Class D boys’ title.

No offense to the Cavaliers, whatsoever. Six state championships, one winning streak that topped triple digits and a full-length feature in Sports Illustrated say it all. Most of those years, Valley could have made hay in the Class B or C tournament, too.

Austin Plourd and Curtis Miller are Valley freshmen. If they go out and lead the team to the Western D title as sophomores, juniors and seniors, then we’ll talk. I’ll gladly give them equal time.

Until then, the Cougars stand alone.

Dominance is harder to sustain in the girls’ game. There’s that shorter tradition. There’s also greater competition for lithe, versatile female athletes during winter. Heck, during one season early in this streak, Dirigo lost a prospective starter when she decided to go out for competition cheering, instead.

Most schools see the makings of a promising hoop class as early as fourth or fifth grade. They invest everything in those athletes and squeeze out one state championship, maybe two, by the time the girls graduate. Then the program returns to mediocrity.

Portland (six straight titles in Western A), Houlton (five, Eastern B) and Gorham (four, Western B) established dynasties in the formative girls’ basketball years. Only Catherine McAuley, which wore four straight Western A crowns from 2000-03, has weaved anything resembling a streak since.

The record run in Western C before Dirigo came along: Two.

Debbie DiConzo Mooney led the 1977 and ’78 Cougars to a sweet repeat. Winthrop (1989-90) and Mt. Abram (1991-92) matched the accomplishment.

Then Gavin Kane, Gretchen Curtis, Rebecca Fletcher, Tara Gagnon, Niki Dominiczak, Lyndsay Clark, Alyssa Burns and Alexa Kaubris came along and put up a number that will never, ever be touched in a million years.

Unless Holly Knight, Michelle Holmquist and those all-grown-up sophomores return next year and make it a Dynamite Dozen.

Impossible? Hey, that word is so archaic in Dixfield, they can’t even spell it.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. His e-mail is [email protected]