Somewhere in the distance, someone strummed a banjo
You can’t make this stuff up: A trooper responded to Woodstock after several kids found a suitcase and duffel bag under a train trestle in the woods. The boys were curious and opened the duffel bag to find what they believed to be human bones. They called their dad who came out to their location. The adult opened the bag and located what he believed was a human jaw bone. A trooper, detective and warden responded to the location. Upon arrival, the three officers located a large suitcase under the train bridge. Sticking out of the side was a white sheet with a stain on it, and some women’s night wear. In the duffel bag, were numerous bones and rope. The remains were identified as animal remains by the identification of a deer skull and a moose skull.
Just another day on the “it could be a dead person in drag or possibly an animal with a bondage fetish that was dressed in woman’s clothing before it was killed by Burt Reynolds who only wanted to save Ned Beatty from abuse and further violation” beat.

Spare the rod
More from the State Police files: A trooper was called to a residence in Otisfield when a 54-year-old father was drunk and arguing with his 19-year-old daughter. When a trooper arrived the daughter had called a friend to come pick her up. When the female friend pulled into the driveway the father stepped out on the porch in his underwear, (exposed himself) and started yelling obscene statements at her. The trooper kept the peace while the daughter removed her belongings from the residence. The father was charged with indecent conduct.
There’s still time to enroll in the police academy, folks.

And the next contestant for father of the year…
A State Police trooper was checking a local party spot when he came upon an underage party that was just gathering. The trooper confronted the first subject and while speaking to him several more vehicles with occupants pulled up, some with alcohol. Eventually there were a total of 11 people at the gathering. After interviewing all 11 people several summonses were issued for possession (of alcohol) by minor. One of the teens was being dropped off with her friends by her mother’s boyfriend who had just bought two six-packs of Mike’s Hard Lemonade for them and smoked a joint on the way to drop them off. He and the teens admitted everything. On his possession was also a 1/4 ounce of marijuana and a roach. He was summonsed for possession of a usable amount and supplying liquor to minors. Two teenage females were brought to their parents who were not happy with them.

A special thank you to Maine State Police
For filling out this entire column for me this week. You do good things.

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