Heads up
You know what’s cool about the self checkout lines at Hannaford? They have cameras pointing down from the ceiling so finally you get to see what the top of your head looks like. I mean, haven’t you always wondered? My God I have a handsome scalp!

Well, dog gone
Saw a man walking up Walnut Street in Lewiston holding his phone with one hand, dragging a dog leash with the other. I swear the man was so absorbed in his phone screen, he didn’t realize that his pooch had slipped off the leash three blocks back.

Where you at?
A day later and on the same street, I saw a young man and woman walking side by side toward Kennedy Park, each with phone in hand. Somehow they made it across Bates Street without ever looking up, but by that point, he had wandered off in an easterly direction while she meandered west. Neither seemed to notice that the other was gone. I tell you, it’s just sad when young lovers drift apart like that.

Smoke ’em if you got ’em
On Wednesday, I went to downtown Lewiston for a report of a group of men with pipes fighting in the street. When I got to Blake Street, I found a bunch of dudes puffing on meerschaums while debating the distinction between literary fiction and genre fiction in modern literature. Nah, I’m just kidding. They were actually wielding lead pipes and beating one another with them.

Auburn teen clocked at 109 mph
I can honestly say I never drove anywhere near that fast as a teenager, mainly because the 1975 Chevy Vega was incapable of speeds greater than 40 mph, and then only if you were heading downhill.

Nose in only
In Lewiston on Thursday, a caller reported a car vs. house accident on College Street! How exciting! Police rolled out. Fire crews rolled out. Your bored reporter from the Sun and Journal rolled out, expecting high drama. The first cop on the scene reported back his assessment just a minute or two later. It wasn’t a car vs. house crash at all. It was just a horrible parking job.

Better than a drone
There’s a lass who lives in downtown Lewiston and who frequently sends me emails to report the weird stuff she sees. “Just watched a fight,” according to one subject line. “I’ve got the biggest swarm of crows,” asserts another. My favorite this week was: “A guy with a machete on Pine Street,” which was followed an hour or so later with “A shoplifter after the machete guy.” I don’t know who it was swinging that blade on Pine Street, but you’ve got to admit that the dude could have a worse street name than “Machete Guy.”

Don’t forget
To set your clocks back this weekend.