More on my deep basso voice
In response to an item from last week, more readers announced that they, too, were surprised that my voice was rather deep — I’m practically Barry White over here — and not all high like Pee-wee Herman’s. This is a marvel to me. My main concern is my writer’s voice, so how I sound in the real world really never occurred to me. Now, however, when I so much as order a burger at a drive-thru speaker, I’m all weird about it, concerned that the lady inside is going to confuse me for either Mike Tyson or Darth Vader, and god knows what she’d do to my cheeseburger.

More on chocolate graham crackers
A terrifically helpful reader wrote in to tell me that store brand chocolate graham crackers (known on the street as “The CGC”) can be found at . . . But just you never you mind where. I know how you are. You’ll rush off there and buy up all the CGC even if you don’t like the stuff. You’ll do it just to mock me, like you did with the Delectables Stew cat food, even though I have it on good authority the only pet you have is a Chia Pet Bob Ross, and that thing doesn’t even eat. You really are a terrible person.

Super Bowl
I didn’t watch the NFL’s championship contest this year. Wasn’t in the mood for all the politicking that has taken over professional sports. Also, I kind of forgot it was on. No matter, it was a blowout. So why bring it up at all? I just want to see how long it takes for Super Bowl Inc. to demand that I take down their copyrighted title, in which case I’ll have to write it in another language, one in which I’m perfectly fluent. You know, like Uper-say Ol-bay.

‘Man with horns at riot apologizes for storming capitol’
Boy, that kind of encapsulates the state of the world we’re living in, doesn’t it?

‘Mystery monolith turns out to be government gimmick’
As does that one.

‘Timmy’s Adventures in School-Skipping’
As does . . . Wait, no. That’s my headline! Can’t make fun of this one, it’s serious stuff.

Nerd talk, avert your eyes
So after years of hearing people complain about the ending to the TV series “Lost,” I finally reached the end. You people are nuts. That wasn’t anywhere NEAR the atrocity that was the “Game of Thrones” finale. In fact, I was so moved by it, I no longer have that deep dread of tropical vacations. See all you suckers in the spring! I’m going to the island!


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