Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

A whiz with cheese
So, as a connoisseur of fine cheeses, I’ve become weirdly obsesses with the finest cheese of them all: aerosol cheese. I mean, call me unsophisticated if you want, but give me a full can of dollar store spray cheese and some saltines and you can keep your feta, your brie and your gouda. Do any of those come in a can with a fancy nozzle? Nossir, they do not. The only downside to the aerosol stuff is that hard, crunchy chunk of cheese at the tip of the nozzle when you leave the can sitting too long. I tried eating one of those chunks and broke a tooth. Think I’ll try building something out of them. A monument to spray cheese, perhaps. But I’m just thinking aloud now.
Con a sewer and horse ovaries
How the #[email protected]$#! did any of us ever spell “connoisseur” before the advent of spellcheck? I mean, even when it’s spelled correctly, it doesn’t look right at all. It’s sort of like “hors d’oeuvres” that way. Fun fact! Before built-in phone dictionaries became a thing, not a single living person successfully spelled “hors d’oeuvres” correctly.
The cross old man
While riding on Lisbon Street the other day, a cranky kind of fellow actually got mad at me for stopping so he could cross at the crosswalk. I don’t know if I threw off his rhythm or just subverted his expectations, but with every step he took across Lisbon Street, he spat his displeasure at me in a rapid-fire stream of ire and disgust. Unfortunately, I had my headphones in and all I heard was “London calling to the underworld! Come out of the cupboards you boys and girls!” Which I thought was an odd thing for him to say on the matter.
By the way
How come nobody uses “cross” in the place of “mad” anymore? For example, “Don’t be cross at me, Mary Sue. How was I to know she was your sister?” I’ve always liked the term. Has a nice “Little House on the Prairie” vibe to it. I’m going to bring it back.
Talk of the what now?
Have you ever noticed that, while this column is called “Talk of the Town,” there are some weeks in which I don’t talk about the town at all? Aerosol cheese? What the %$!#@ is THAT about? In my defense, I ain’t right.
The dread
So, I was in Hobby Lobby the other day and just as one alert reader had advised me, the store was filled with Halloween and other autumnal decor. It’s heartbreaking because as we all know, the seasons around here are dictated by what is put on display at the stores at any given time of year. By my calculations, summer will be over in about a week thanks to these overeager retailers. And I know you might be wondering what I was doing in Hobby Lobby in the first place and I’ll ask that you mind your business, thank you very much. I’m building something. It’s going to be glorious.

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