Memories. Greasy, delicious memories
Sam’s on Main Street in Lewiston is closing and all my attempts to travel back to 1997 have failed. Back then, I lived in a groovy apartment right above the restaurant and man, life was good. I never had to shop for groceries or cook anything because a short trip downstairs would deliver me to a pepperoni pizza or a fat steak and cheese sandwich. Pizza and beer, that’s what I lived on back then. I wasn’t the paragon of health you see before you today.

Ticka ticka ticka
In the “you gotta be kidding” category, we have my truck battery, which survived the entire winter — including the deadly cold spell in January — and yet which died on an April afternoon when the temperature flirted with 60 degrees. Ticka ticka ticka, went the battery when I attempted to turn it over. It’s like it was laughing at me. I jump started the truck with pure rage alone, so that was handy.

Hold your applause
Lewiston is getting a Starbucks. I’m so excited, I could upchuck. I mean, another coffee shop on Lisbon Street is WAY better than some goofy store where a guy might buy a belt, a can of paint, a ball peen hammer, a drain snake, winter gloves, a pair of feeted (footed?) pajamas, a caulking gun, a lovely pair of kitten heel shoes (not for me, I’m buying them for a friend), a 10-pound bag of unsanded grout, a window screen and spline tool so your stupid cat doesn’t get out again, an HDMI cable or, you know, pants. Yes, let’s have more coffee for the ride over into Auburn to shop.

Ain’t no place like home
After coming back from a crime scene that wasn’t really a crime scene in downtown Lewiston, I drove dutifully to Park Street and turned into the lot at 104. Oopsie. According to the latest information, the Sun Journal is no longer there. I was so depressed, I went to Sam’s to get a bite.

People are strange
Here’s a group of weirdos I’ll never understand: people who go to the drive-thru lane at fast-food restaurants even when the line wraps around the building about five times. You people are nuts. I mean, how long are you willing to wait for a soggy burger, cold fries and the wrong drink, anyway? If I see more than three cars in the drive-thru lane, I declare it a lost cause and go somewhere else to sulk.

LPD moving to Bates Mill
Yeah, here’s where I’m gonna have to put my foot down. There have been way too many changes in Lewiston lately and I’m not having it. I shall propose an ordinance demanding that everything has to go back to where it was in 1997 even if it means I have to resume my diet of beer and pizza. I’m willing to make that sacrifice for you fine people.

« Previous

Mark LaFlamme: Rampaging hogs and other fashion tips

Next »

Mark LaFlamme: Fowl ending to a ducky race