Casu what now?
A random person wrote me this week to try to convince me to write my next story about Casu Marzu. And I mean, he or she was really, really adamant about it, too. Like, he or she really wanted me to write about this “traditional Sardinian sheep milk cheese” in the worst way, even though he or she has never tried it, personally. The more this person wrote me to trumpet the many joys of the presumably stinky cheese, the more it began to feel like some practical joke in the making — like some cruel kid trying to convince his little brother to eat a hot pepper by telling him that it’s candy. Yeah, I’m onto you, sir or lady. I ain’t eating that cheese. Unless, of course, this rises to the level of double dog dare, but we’re not there yet.

Alcohol to go is here to stay
This headline really messed me up. I mean, I get it now: liquor for take-out, popularized during COVID-19, will remain legal and yada yada. But I don’t know, when I first read the headline, I just couldn’t make sense of it. I needed a slide rule, a thesaurus, the AP Style Book and Sun Tzu’s “Art of War,” for some reason, to get a handle on it. It reminds me of that weird poem: “Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there! He wasn’t there again today, Oh how I wish he’d go away” and now I’m just all freaked out.

FOX News is hiring
Boy, have you ever seen so much excitement over a guy getting fired before? If Tucker ever gets divorced, Time Magazine will probably make him Man of the Year. And while we’re on the subject, I kind of wonder if Don Lemon is bitter about all the attention Tucker has been getting. Poor Don is like, “Hey, I got canned too, you know!” Weird times, bros.

While you were drinking take-out hooch…
On Wednesday, April 26, at 6:42 p.m. EST, the sun came out. It was a weird moment. I was all like, “What the is that sizzling yellow orb and why does it make me feel like I should sacrifice a goat or something?” A few seconds later, it was gone again and so THAT turned out OK. This whole weather pattern reminds me of that Ray Bradbury story “All of Summer in A Day.” In that one, the sun comes out for only one hour every seven years and if you miss it, tough cookies, mister. I don’t think things are that bad for us just yet. We’ll probably see the sun again sometime in late July and boy, I wouldn’t want to be a goat around these parts when it happens.

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