Stuck on you
Someone sent me a photo last week of a pickup truck absolutely jam packed with skeletons of all shapes and sizes riding around on local streets. I mean, there are actually tiny little skeletons clinging to various parts of this truck and how they stay attached is just a marvel to me. Whatever super glue this bone-crazed Halloween fan is using, I’ve got to get me some.

The flying nun?
Hold onto your habits here, people. For the past two weeks, I’ve been writing about the mysterious Bat Boy who has been whizzing by my house every day in a black cape and black helmet. I was convinced that I was being stalked by a genuine mutant again, but now I’m told — and by a credible source — that the apparition that so beguiles me is actually a local nun buzzing about on her daily rounds. If this is true, I’m gonna go ahead and apologize a thousand times for the error and I’ll even do some Hail Mary-ing on the rosary if that’s what it takes to obtain forgiveness. You must understand that back where I come from, church folk didn’t ride around on scooters like this. They used pogo sticks.

Coveting chaos at Lewiston City Hall
City councilors forming quorums at a local bar. A coup-style revolt with a council president being toppled and another getting swatted on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. All this with an angry public filling council chambers with protest signs and angry shouting. I tell you, when the newspaper police beat reporter gets to envying the municipal beat guy, we really have reached peak Upside Down World.

It’s been real and it’s been nice
My friends, by the time you read this, I will be gone. On vacation, that is. Because it’s Halloween and all that noise, and I do this every year so stop looking so stunned and all. I won’t be around next week to write one of these stupid columns, which is a real drag because whenever I’m away, I think a million stupid things to write about. You know what? If you find yourself hankering for barely coherent nonsense over the Halloween season, just get in touch and I’ll tell you something really stupid. I’m here for you.

PS
Unless it’s election stuff. Don’t be talking to me about no election stuff, freak. Part of the reason I take this late October vacation is that I’ll miss all of that stuff. Although, I AM actively interested to see whether the lady with the round campaign sign pulls off a win. I mean, her sign is ROUND! We need that kind of free thinker in whatever office she’s running for.

Peter Geiger
I’m hearing that Mr. G’s Halloween display is going to be MASSIVE this year. Word on the street is that Geiger has been toiling in his basement all year to create a genuine Frankenstein’s monster for the show and that he’s imported legit, neck-chomping vampires from Romania. Or maybe it’s the super glue, it all gets very hazy. Happy Halloween, weirdos.

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