Ah, the sounds of winter recreation. Cold steel skate blades carving up the frozen ponds. The hearty crunch of snowshoes breaking through virgin snow. And my personal favorite, the sounds of kids on sleds streaking down the steepest hills the area has to offer. Weeeeeeeeee! THUD! “He’s hurt bad! Everybody run!” Where I come from, […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Godzilla!
Devil baby In New York, several sidewalk denizens experienced moments of unalloyed terror after pranksters rigged a horrifying devil baby to spring up out of its carriage. Great fun, if you’re into cardiac events and soiled underpants. What I don’t get is how the victims of the devil baby realized so quickly that it was […]
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Talk of the town: fun and frostbite with the polar vortex
I blame the Almanac As far as I can tell, the Farmers’ Almanac was the first to predict all the snow and cold we’ve been vexed with and, therefore, I hold them directly responsible for the misery. You may question my logic if you’d like, but anybody familiar with the law of “he who smelt […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Let mathematics keep you warm
I know you’re cold, dear friend. I know your lips are chapped, your toes are frozen and your nose has been running since mid-September. I know the pipes burst in your bathroom, your car won’t start and you had to sell one of your children to pay for oil. I know your fingers hurt from […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town
Marden’s parking Our lives will never be the same. Two days before Christmas, I stopped into Marden’s in Lewiston only to discover that they’ve done away with the slant parking directly in front of the store. Too bad. When a person managed to defy all odds by discovering one of those storefront slots open, it […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Lewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Memories on ice
A few minutes ago, I stepped outside just long enough to check the weather. Almost immediately, my right foot slid down the driveway, toward the street, while my left foot stayed safe and sane upon the walk. Everything in between just sort of stretched to its maximum and dangled there on the ice. It was […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Have yourselves a Merry Little Christmas and stuff
Frosty the Mood Swinger There’s a giant snowman guarding a lawn at the corner of Webster Street and East Avenue in Lewiston. As you drive by, the snowman makes faces at you – here it looks like he’s whistling. A second later, he’s smiling with giant red lips. How cool! East Avenue is not the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Christmas shopping for the shrieking insane
One year, I gave my older brother a doorknob for Christmas. It wasn’t something he needed. It wasn’t even a new doorknob bought at a hardware store. The knob, scuffed and scarred, was simply the first item I came across when I went rummaging through the junk drawer on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, bro. Enjoy […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the Town: An Elf on a Shelf-free zone
Elf on a Shelf Remember how I used to complain, ninny-like, because so many people sent me photos of the snowbanks in their yards? I don’t get snowbank photos anymore. These days, I get photos of those damn Elves on Shelves in every imaginable pose. With their rosy-red cheeks and sly little smiles, these elfin […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Context makes swearing poetic or profane
A tale of two women and four letters. The first of them (the women, I mean) was an older lady who was telling me a riveting story about a vacation that had gone amok. We were sitting at her kitchen table over cups of coffee and she told the story well. Near the end of […]