The Dating Game In order to prepare this publication for print, I first had to slap Sunday’s date onto the end of it. Due to some malfunction, the date keeps appearing as Sept. 1. Ha ha ha! Technology, eh? So stupid. There’s no WAY it’s September already. I mean, summer has only just begun, am […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Back to school, whether you like it or not
When I was 14 or 15, I was involved in a rather spectacular bicycle crash. We were riding double on my little BMX and the dunderhead at the controls (you know who you are) somehow managed to not see a 4-foot ledge ahead of us. Down we went, two skinny kids flying over the handlebars, […]
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Talk of the town: Balloons, fake dog poo and bonus adjectives!
What? Got a message on my newsroom phone Tuesday that came out garbled. To me, it sounded like, “blah, blah, blah, shoehorn, yada, yada, those plastic things on the end of shoelaces, gurp, glomp, glum. Call me as soon as you venison patty.” I don’t like to miss calls because you never know what adventures […]
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Street Talk: Boy, do I have a story to tell you
So, it’s Thursday afternoon and the police scanner is alive with chatter. I’m just getting to the office and all I want to do is pound out a couple routine stories so I can go out and play with the other hooligans. I’m off to a fast start. “In Lewiston today —” Frankly, I’m lucky […]
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Talk of the town: Get your deer yet?
Do you guys remember summer? Since it’s the middle of August and it barely reaches 70 degrees most days, I guess it’s time to turn our attention to autumnal things, like apples and pumpkins and dead things found in the woods. Got your snow tires yet? Any luck with that moose permit? What will you […]
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Street Talk: Under the dome and crabbing constantly
It came to me in the night. What Lewiston needs is a dome over it, a big overturned clear-glass bowl that separates us from our neighbors. Think of it: no more riffraff coming in from Greene and Turner. No more Auburnites sneaking over in their kayaks and hot air balloons. With the crack pipeline choked […]
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Talk of the town: Getting tanked, a pigeon update and Beyonce’s do
Is a walk-in tub right for you? Ever since this poser landed in my email box, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. Is it? Is a walk-in tub right for me? Any guidance you can give me on this matter would be appreciated. For the birds Thousands of you (give […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Why I’m not having eggs for breakfast
For this week’s column, it would be helpful if you’d hum the “Jaws” theme while I relate this riveting story. You could hum the theme from “To Sir, With Love” if you’d rather, but it wouldn’t make sense. Starting now. It’s late Friday afternoon on Lisbon Street. I’m standing with Animal Control Dude Wendell Strout […]
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Talk of the town: Summer is almost over and your kids hate you
It’s practically winter It’s August. Time to go into late summer panic mode, my friends. All those things you’ve put off since June, you now must try to cram into one frantic, potentially fatal weekend. Force your kids to have fun, Griswold style, even if it makes them cry. My suggestions below. 6 a.m. Old […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Let’s go out to the kitchen and slather on some bug spray
So, it’s the most crucial scene in the movie. The scene where the voice over the phone tells the pretty teenager that those calls are coming from inside the house. The pretty teen reacts to this news by slowly dropping the phone and going wide-eyed while sinister music goes “WEET WEET WEET!” to let you […]