Dear Abby A very nice woman writes me whenever somebody at the paper neglects to run the Dear Abby column in its usual spot. She’s polite and all, but the implied threats are there. Bring back Dear Abby, punk, or I shall snatch you bald and kick you in your soft spots. Since I have […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: The mind wanders as educationers prattle on
So, I’m sitting in the Auburn Council Chamber of Doom and listening to the chatter from the neatly arranged group at the front of the room. Educationers, I think they call them. Or Superintenderlings. These are the men and women who decide what goes on in our schools, and my editors tell me that’s important. […]
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Talk of the town: Your disgusting metaphor here
He was never seen again We heard over the scanner around mid-week that someone had head butted a construction worker somewhere in Lewiston. Seems like a bad idea for a couple different reasons. One, construction workers typically spend six days a week carrying cinder blocks under one arm and using jackhammers to pick their teeth. […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: A night at the campground. What could possibly go wrong?
It’s mid-July and I smell like a beast. I’ve got bugs in my hair, marshmallow on my face and God knows WHAT that is stuck to my foot. I forgot to pack my deodorant and I dropped my toothbrush in a patch of poison ivy. My sleeping bag hasn’t been washed since … well, ever, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town: Thank you for going braless
Funny sights in the aisle At my request, a whole bunch of you weighed in with your personal experiences at big-box and super stores. Which just confused me because I’d completely forgotten I’d asked for these anecdotes. One of you fired off a note about kids peeing (or worse) in display toilets. Another offered an […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Being candid about going commando
Such a card Could I be more excited? I really don’t think so. I mean, it’s big news. Life-changing news. Since Shaw’s in Lewiston is under new ownership, we no longer need to produce those blasted orange cards that always hide way down deep inside your wallet so you can’t get the sale prices. No […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Want to come over and listen to records?
I remember a time before cellphones. I remember when you wanted to warm up a can of SpaghettiOs, you did it on the stove top. I remember when the TV stations went off the air at the end of the night, playing “The Star-Spangled Banner” to lull us to sleep. I remember when 8-track technology […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: It’s an ugly column but someone has to write it
This thing is going to get ugly On a hot Saturday afternoon, an Auburn police officer complained over the airwaves that some folks in the Hampshire Street neighborhood were outside in their chairs and “you know what that means.” Boy, do we. In downtown Lewiston it’s guns and crack pipes. In Auburn’s greater downtown area […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street talk: Hanging with the cool kids at the back of the class
Everything I know about teenagers these days would fit inside a Scooby Doo lunchbox, the old metal one with the thermos secured with a buckle. No matter what you put inside that lunchbox, it will always smell like a soggy tuna sandwich. By the way, does anyone want my orange? But, yeah. I don’t know […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Today’s Talk of the town is less offensive than the governor
The buzz Jason Moore, everybody. Police detective, techno geek and now . . . exterminator! “It was a cool summer evening, the sun had just set and the ground still damp from a passing shower. The sniper laid motionless sighting in his prey. He waited patiently, looking for any motion. When the moment was right […]