The conversation was getting heated. “Are you kidding me? A sunny Saturday afternoon and you’re going to sit inside watching baseball? You’re going to blow off everything else to watch the Royals choke again?” “They could come back.” Braying laughter. “Come back? You’re yanking me. They’re swinging limp noodles out there. I mean, look at […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Mark’s pen pals get shameless plugs
Love connection I keep getting spam mail from a woman named Ulyanna. At least I think it’s spam. If your name is Ulyanna and you really are looking to meet nice boys for fun and romance, hit me up. I have just the guy for you. His name is Reynaldo and he sells male enhancement […]
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Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Bow, stern and other terms I learned in divorce court
OK, quit bugging me. I’ll tell you what happened in the canoe. I frankly don’t know why we can’t just leave this alone and move on, but whatever. You beat it out of me. It had been a grand morning on Malaga Island. The rains were over and the sun beat down. Birds chirped. Butterflies […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town: We’re all seeking the naked truth
Stop ‘n shop A delivery man at Walmart calls police to complain that there are three vehicles parked in the fire lanes in front of the store. No way! Are you saying people are so lazy and inconsiderate that they’ll park as close to the doors as possible so they don’t have to make the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Bad drivers and the people who hate them
You people stink. Well, not you so much. And you, you’re all right. But the rest? The woman with the cellphone, the cigarette and the dog? The dude with his hand hanging out the window, too comfortable to manage a damn blinker? You stink. If my editors would let me get away with it, I’d […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: I see London, I see France
You look like a mushroom Ten straight days of rain followed by 80-degree temperatures. That’s spring in Maine for ya. But I think we’re all asking ourselves the same question: Just how in the heck is this going to affect the rhubarb? Pour some sugar on me When we were kids, we used to eat […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Try to set the night on fire
Pause for the cause So, the Sun Journal has been live streaming a lot lately so you people can enjoy events from the comforts of your own Snuggies. They streamed all the press conferences related to the arson spree, they’ve streamed rallies in Kennedy Park, and on Wednesday they streamed the Lewiston Unites forum at […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street talk: I’m too tired to write a headline
Someone needs to isolate human adrenaline, pour it into fancy little bottles and sell it over the counter. They could call it “A” and give it a nifty font. I’m thinking Honey Script. Get some sexy celebrity to promote the stuff and market it like those 5-hour Energy guys, only better. I have a whole […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town
Stroking the ivories You may have heard by now that I’ve been taking piano lessons. This is correct. I’ve had but one lesson so far and yet I feel that I’m ready to perform live in Railroad Park. Please join me (by which I mean write checks in my name) for a rousing rendition of […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: How a press conference works
Wow. Three press conferences over the course of one week. Or was it four? Yeah, I think it was four, which is even more amazing. Getting invited to four press conferences in a week is like having two birthdays, Christmas and a honeymoon in the span of seven days. If you know what I mean. […]