A fungus among us Got a message in my spam folder the other day with a subject line that advises: “Do this to make fungus disappear.” Typically, I’d snort at such an email and then delete it forever. These days, though . . . Well, I’ve been sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inbPlus, Lewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Keep that tongue to yourself, mister
Together we will lick this thing So. It would appear that there are people out there licking toilets, coughing on produce and shooting video of themselves tonguing ice cream inside the supermarkets just for kicks. You know, I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately about the Black Death and other plagues that have vexed […]
advertisement
Posted inMark LaFlamme
My COVID-19 uniform needs a washin’
Here. Smell this hoodie. Smells OK, right? You’d consider that, if not ocean breeze clean, at least clean-adjacent? Good deal. I’ll wear it for another day. Been wearing this hoodie since a time before I even heard the term “coronavirus.” I keep MEANING to wash it, but what would I do while it’s spinning in […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Looking back on ‘the new normal’
The boy’s name was Timmy, and after we filled out all the required paperwork and endured the waiting period, he was able to come visit me in the government-issue bubble that serves as my back porch. “Uncle Mark?” he asked me, his eyes alight with curiosity. “What was the world like before the coronavirus?” “Oh, […]
Posted inMaine, Mark LaFlamme
The coronavirus crisis: It could be worse
Bad? Sure, it’s bad. It’s miserable, frustrating and unrelenting, this COVID business. In spite of round-the-clock, all-you-can-eat news updates on THE CRISIS, firm answers elude us. How bad will it get? How long will it continue? Will my circle of friends and family still be intact when it’s over? Is anyone I love dying even […]
Posted inbPlus, Lewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Living in a world without pants
I shall guard it with my life I can’t say whom and I can’t say how, but somebody somewhere procured for me a delicious chocolate cake decorated in the shape of a roll of toilet paper. It’s really quite a marvel. I’d share it with you, but I know how you people are. At the […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Another day at the office
Commuter traffic across the kitchen was terrible. There was the wife, for one thing, creeping and crawling in front of me like there was no hurry to do anything anymore. As if she owned the very linoleum on which we strode. Would it kill you to use your blinker, wife? And cats. Cats crossing everywhere, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
I swear I was only clearing my throat!
Scrub-a-dub-dub In an effort to help combat the troublesome virus, I will be washing my hands twice as often as I would in ordinary circumstances. To compensate for the time spent doing that, I shan’t wash anything else until the crisis has passed. Always happy to do my part. Capital letters are stupid anyway Well, […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
The COVID-19 economy is on a roll
The dude’s name is Clyde, but on the streets he’s known as “The Depot.” No matter what you need or in what quantity, The Depot can hook you up. Guns? The Depot’s got guns. Dope? Liquor? Party girls? If you’ve got the cash, my friend, you’ll find everything you need in the back of The Depot’s windowless […]
Posted inbPlus, Mark LaFlamme
Does anybody really know what time it is?
My own personal time zone Excuse me if I’m an hour late, or possibly early, for that thing we have lined up today. Neither of the clocks in my home office sprung forward last Sunday morning to usher me into, or possibly out of, daylight savings time. My computer, which runs Linux Mint and is […]