The diet begins I am saddened to report that Talk of the Town has been placed on a pretty strict length limit of about 425 words. What that means for you, the clearly deranged reader, is that I will no longer be in here going on and on and on about nothing at all. Nope. […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: It was the night before Christmas and I got nothing
So, I was desperate for column ideas on a Monday afternoon that also happened to be Christmas Eve. No brainer, right? I’d just head to the stores, behold the eye-bulging madness of last-minute shopping and let that column write itself. Maybe it would be a hair-pulling, eye-gouging brawl in the toy aisle over the last […]
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Mark LaFlamme: Yule be glad I gave you these gift ideas
This gift stinks So on Tuesday – just one week before Christmas – a conveniently timed windstorm sent trash cans bouncing merrily across various neighborhoods in Lewiston and Auburn. For the frantic last minute shopper, this was like a gift from heaven. Merry Christmas, Mom! Here’s a slightly dented Brute brand garbage can with only […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Can we get on with it, already?
“The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older; shorter of breath and one day closer to death.” Pink Floyd A very wise teacher back in high school once advised me to never wish away time. I found it to be very profound advice, indeed, and I fully intended to plan my […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: Mushroom for improvement
Shrooms A plan is in the works to lure a mushroom factory to Auburn, which city officials promise would make the area the mushroom capital of America. That sounds pretty exciting and all, but to gain that distinction, Auburn is going to have to bare knuckle fight Kennett Square, Pennsylvania, which currently holds that title. […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: What's that song on your lips?
My friends, I am paralyzed by fear while penning these words. The list of things we are not supposed to say keeps growing and now includes a classic Christmas song that is not to be sung, hummed or otherwise referenced, lest ye be branded a woman-hating scoundrel with bad intentions. This one is a bummer […]
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Mark LaFlamme: In all kinds of trouble
I’m going to prison I got the following voicemail Wednesday afternoon. I thought it was a sham, but since they used the word “hence,” it’s got to be real: “This call is from the federal courthouse. The reason we are trying to contact you is because we have identified suspicious activity against your Social Security […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: The Magi strike again in downtown Lewiston
The dude on Park Street was having a great deal of trouble holding onto whatever it was he was trying to carry. It looked like either an oversized toaster oven or an undersized TV and it kept slipping from his grip like a greased fish. He tried carrying it in front of his waist, but […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark Laflamme: A heart full of unwashed socks
Fight for your right to nude up While advising a police officer out on a routine call at the start of the week, an emergency dispatcher passed along that the homeowner “believes it’s her right to answer her door unclothed.” She’s right, too. Why, the Second Amendment alone addresses “bare arms” and I think if […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Winter 2018 as foretold by prophecy
“Lewiston and Auburn are expected to get about 6 inches of heavy, wet snow which is likely to hamper the Tuesday morning commute.” “Arctic front brings record-breaking cold …” “Wind chill could drop as low as 42 below zero.” “… schools canceled again. Up to 16 inches of snow expected in some areas.” “Sir, you […]