I’m going to prison I got the following voicemail Wednesday afternoon. I thought it was a sham, but since they used the word “hence,” it’s got to be real: “This call is from the federal courthouse. The reason we are trying to contact you is because we have identified suspicious activity against your Social Security […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: The Magi strike again in downtown Lewiston
The dude on Park Street was having a great deal of trouble holding onto whatever it was he was trying to carry. It looked like either an oversized toaster oven or an undersized TV and it kept slipping from his grip like a greased fish. He tried carrying it in front of his waist, but […]
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Mark Laflamme: A heart full of unwashed socks
Fight for your right to nude up While advising a police officer out on a routine call at the start of the week, an emergency dispatcher passed along that the homeowner “believes it’s her right to answer her door unclothed.” She’s right, too. Why, the Second Amendment alone addresses “bare arms” and I think if […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Winter 2018 as foretold by prophecy
“Lewiston and Auburn are expected to get about 6 inches of heavy, wet snow which is likely to hamper the Tuesday morning commute.” “Arctic front brings record-breaking cold …” “Wind chill could drop as low as 42 below zero.” “… schools canceled again. Up to 16 inches of snow expected in some areas.” “Sir, you […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: That bird ain't going to spatchcock itself
I never thought it would happen to me Well, it finally happened. On Wednesday, I was assigned to write an obituary feature and a weather story on the same day. In news reporter circles, that’s known as a … Well, it’s not really known as anything, because reporters who get hit with that kind of […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Street Talk: The fussy man's guide to Thanksgiving
I won’t lie to you. As far as Thanksgiving dinner guests go, you won’t find one worse than me. For one thing, I’m more fidgety than your 4-year-old. After five minutes of sitting at the boring adults’ table, I’m going to want to get up to look out the window. Or to go see what […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: There. Diagonally.
Regular air is just so 2005 So, to combat the horrors of cold weather leakage, I had my truck tires filled with nitrogen this week. Nitrogen! I had no idea that nitrogen inflation was even a thing until a certain wife mentioned it to me as I topped off my tires with boring old air […]
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Hot sandwiches and band-aids: Hard times at Speaker’s Variety
There was a time when I was eating, on average, five hot ham and cheese sandwiches from Speaker’s Variety every week. For one thing, the hot ham and cheese sandwiches from Speaker’s were spectacular. I’d ask Jim or Pat or whoever was manning the ovens that day to cook them a little extra so that […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Nope. Nothing wrong here.
Talk of the town? How in blue blazes should I know what the talk of the town is? I’ve been on vacation for two weeks. Thanks for noticing. All I can tell you is that the new “Halloween” is just God awful, the movie “Hereditary” is terrifying and the town of Unity celebrates Halloween like […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Is it Halloween yet?
Things that baffle me I’m just going to go ahead and say it. What’s the deal with individually wrapped coffee stirrers? This weird wave of stirrer prophylactics has taken hold at stores and coffee shops everywhere. I mean, I understand the concept of safe-stirring and all, but in the history of coffee, has anyone ever […]