Out-of-this-world savings Someday, a curious extraterrestrial is going to visit us on Black Friday. He or she will observe the thrashing mobs of humanity standing in the bitter cold outside Walmart, sales fliers clutched in their pink hands. He or she will witness pushing, shoving, lying, cheating, scheming, sneaking and complaining, and promptly report back […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Playing the game whether you like it or not
The game is called Knockout and it couldn’t be simpler. A group of young people, those gleaming representatives of our future, walk down a populated street looking for prey. And by prey, I mean you. Or your sister, or wife, or your brother or daughter. The goal of Knockout is (you may have gleaned this) […]
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Street Talk: Anxiously awaiting the arrival of Ghost Cat
I don’t believe in ghosts. Not really. I don’t think. Maybe I do. More and more lately, I’ve been running into people who speak of ghosts as a simple fact of life. They are things to be tolerated or endured, like crab grass or indigestion. Some people enjoy their ghosts and welcome the specters as […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: What’s that odd smell, Uncle Ford?
The lady has my number So, recently I retired an old cell phone number I’d been using for more than a decade for work purposes. As it turns out, the number has since been reassigned and now belongs to a nice older woman who can’t understand why weirdos are calling her asking for some clown […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Barbershop chatter is akin to flattop cut
So, it’s been nearly a week now and none of you has commented on my haircut. Inconsiderate beasts, the lot of you. It’s a flattop, you know, flat enough to shoot pool on if you’re into that sort of thing. Makes me look like one of those guys who does more before 9 a.m. than […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Can you believe it’s dark already?
Get your deer yet? It’s a perfectly valid question this time of year and the beauty is that it applies to anyone you see, from a 95 year old grandmother to a ten year old kid with a snot bubble. It’s amazing how many people enjoy hunting, or as it’s properly pronounced, ‘hunnin.’ Of course, […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Things were different here in Lewiston when we were Exit 13
For one reason or another over the past week, I had to use the Maine Turnpike almost every day to come and go. And every time I came or went, I thought the same thing as I breezed up the ramps: Holy crap, did I leave my iron on? But in addition to that, I […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Learning to sashay in a bouffant wig for Halloween
As far as any of you can prove, I’ve only dressed up as a woman once in my life. I was 7 or 8 years old and Halloween totally sneaked up on me. I had wanted to go as the Six Million Dollar Man, but I wasn’t tall enough and I couldn’t find anyone willing […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Dying of baseball fever as postseason approaches
Pass me a tissue, would you, friend? Or I could just use your sleeve again and call it good. I’ve been trying to think of things that are as sad as the end of baseball season. A child at a birthday party at which no one showed up? A kitten placed in a beach pail […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Wearing black socks and a leather coat at the beach
Sometimes writing a weekly column is like being a cast regular on “Roseanne.” Or like scoring a walk-on part on “Gilligan’s Island,” or being one of those dorks with feathered hair and a neck chain on “Three’s Company,” but during the late seasons, after Chrissy has gone off to become a brain surgeon or whatever. […]