Good morning, ladies and gentlepersons. Today I’m writing from the checkout line at a popular local grocery store — or possibly a pet store or hardware joint — for the very first time. I’m writing from this cramped and crowded space because my column is due and no matter how I beg or plead, I […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: You’re not going to believe this news
Hosed On Wednesday, the temperature climbed into the upper 40s, delivering another roundhouse kick to snowbank booty and compelling at least one lunatic to drag his motorcycle out of the basement for a ride. Said lunatic regrets nothing, thank you very much. Meanwhile, one woman reports that it was sunny and warm enough to wash […]
advertisement
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Has anybody seen my car?
All I had to do was meet the dude in a crowded parking lot for a perfectly-legal-as-far-as-you-know exchange of cash for goods. Easy as falling off a park bench. You’re in, you’re out. Everyone’s happy. “I’ll be driving a brownish Nissan Rogue,” I told this fellow I knew only as Craig S. List. I pulled […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Have you kicked your car today?
A tale of two dresses Is it white and gold? Blue and black? Science has shown that because of subtle variations in optic melanin, 45 percent of us just do not care. P.S. It’s white and gold. If you think otherwise, you’re clearly drunk and should have your melanin checked. Sketchy part IV Another stroke […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: The winter of jungle cats and wet feet (or something)
In an Evernote notebook dated Jan. 14 lies a truncated mutant of a column which rants on about the feeble nature of winter to that point. “Hardly any snow!” the archaic column raves. “Why, it’s practically spring already!” The column was never finished and I think you know why. Winter came, winter saw — and […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Do you even vape, bro?
Sketchy Dear God, look what they’ve done to my face! I apologize for the drama. On Wednesday, some newsroom wit scribbled a beard across the photo of my lovely mug that ran with a column I had written about that very topic. The sketched beard was crude, sophomoric and puerile and I believe that makes […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: My naked face
Hello, stranger. That’s a mighty fine beard you got there. It’s all thick and full and with that suit and tie, it’s just wonderfully ironic. Congratulations on the facial flora, my friend. That’s remarkable growth for a 9-year-old. Everybody’s got a beard these days. One recent day, my colleague Chris Williams came sauntering into the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town
Buffoons in space So, 100 people will vie for chances to be the first on Mars, their existence there to be recorded for cosmic posterity in reality-show format. Somewhere in deep space, a nine-fingered extraterrestrial just slapped his forehead. Instead of a John Glenn, a Magellan or a Ponce de Leon, we’ll have the collective […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Life after Lewiston: Still seeing red 25,000 years later
“What would happen if every human in Lewiston disappeared? This isn’t the story of how we might vanish; it’s the story of what will happen to the Lewiston we leave behind.” 100 YEARS AFTER LEWISTON Along what was once Pine Street, where snowbanks and parked cars narrowed the roadway to the width of a human […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: I am not making this up
Wussified? Last week, there was a call over the police scanner wherein somebody asked for help after stumbling out of a chair and stubbing her toe. A few days later, an ambulance was requested after a woman cut herself shaving whilst in the shower. Soon after, a young lady demanded paramedics because her right pinky […]