They had to use the Jaws of Lifesavers
A few nights before Christmas Eve, fire crews were called out in Auburn for a teenage girl who had her fingers stuck in an M&M dispenser she had gotten for Christmas. I started to laugh at this embarrassing dilemma and then I thought of all the various things I’VE been stuck in over the years and decided it wasn’t funny.

By the way…
The “Jaws of Lifesavers” line isn’t my own. Some wit shared that with me on Facebook and I outright stole it. My shame is great.

Ball drop? What ball drop?
When midnight came and 2023 turned into 2024, I completely missed the big moment because I was passionately engaged in trying to get a cat to chase a dish scrubby I had hurled across the room. I hope Dick Clark will forgive me. If Dick Clark is still alive, that is. I can never remember.

Auburn’s drone show
I missed that big event, too, because I was passionately engaged in trying to remove a dish scrubby that somehow got stuck in a ceiling fan. I’ve no idea how that happened. I hear good things about the show, though. I had no idea drones could be operated with that kind of precision. Tell you the truth, it freaks me out a little bit that they can.

Flush with pride
My first official act of 2024 was to fix a hissing toilet by successfully replacing a valve seal. The sense of accomplishment I got out of that will last me until spring. That’s only two months away, but it’ll feel like years, so that works out well.

Not all heroes wear capes
You know, I complain about winter a lot, but so far I’ve done absolutely nothing to stop it. But now, I’ve been joined by several others, including a piano teacher, a brother-in-law and a longtime reader who likewise despise winter weather. With a coalition this powerful, I’m pretty sure we can halt cold spells and snowstorms in their tracks. I guess we’ll find out today — snow is forecast for this Sunday, but with me and my powerful friends griping nonstop about it, I have a feeling that storm wouldn’t DARE move in on our region. Some of us will be cussing a lot, too, and that can only help. When you find yourself NOT outside shoveling your driveway, you know who to thank.

Lisbon robbery suspect uses bike for getaway
Oh, tell me you didn’t hear that “Wizard of Oz” bike ridin’ music in your head when you read this story. If you’re not familiar, it’s the one that goes: “Neet na neet na nee nee. Neet na neet na nee nee.”

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