Marden’s parking Our lives will never be the same. Two days before Christmas, I stopped into Marden’s in Lewiston only to discover that they’ve done away with the slant parking directly in front of the store. Too bad. When a person managed to defy all odds by discovering one of those storefront slots open, it […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Lewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Memories on ice
A few minutes ago, I stepped outside just long enough to check the weather. Almost immediately, my right foot slid down the driveway, toward the street, while my left foot stayed safe and sane upon the walk. Everything in between just sort of stretched to its maximum and dangled there on the ice. It was […]
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Talk of the town: Have yourselves a Merry Little Christmas and stuff
Frosty the Mood Swinger There’s a giant snowman guarding a lawn at the corner of Webster Street and East Avenue in Lewiston. As you drive by, the snowman makes faces at you – here it looks like he’s whistling. A second later, he’s smiling with giant red lips. How cool! East Avenue is not the […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Christmas shopping for the shrieking insane
One year, I gave my older brother a doorknob for Christmas. It wasn’t something he needed. It wasn’t even a new doorknob bought at a hardware store. The knob, scuffed and scarred, was simply the first item I came across when I went rummaging through the junk drawer on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, bro. Enjoy […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the Town: An Elf on a Shelf-free zone
Elf on a Shelf Remember how I used to complain, ninny-like, because so many people sent me photos of the snowbanks in their yards? I don’t get snowbank photos anymore. These days, I get photos of those damn Elves on Shelves in every imaginable pose. With their rosy-red cheeks and sly little smiles, these elfin […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Context makes swearing poetic or profane
A tale of two women and four letters. The first of them (the women, I mean) was an older lady who was telling me a riveting story about a vacation that had gone amok. We were sitting at her kitchen table over cups of coffee and she told the story well. Near the end of […]
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Talk of the town: For a good time call
Pocket dialing I got a loooooong phone message Tuesday from a woman who apparently dialed my number and then stuffed the phone into her pocket. The sound of fabric rubbing against thighs, the soft jingling of pocket change and the solemn gong of a seat belt warning chime made for an interesting six or seven […]
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Street Talk: Why I’m wearing a monocle and pocket watch
I want each of you to know that it’s been a pleasure making your acquaintance. We’ve had some good times and I will cherish those memories forever. Or at least until I get to the airport, at which point I will discard those memories along with the bottles of shampoo, hair gel and other items […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Want some salad dressing on those notes?
Out-of-this-world savings Someday, a curious extraterrestrial is going to visit us on Black Friday. He or she will observe the thrashing mobs of humanity standing in the bitter cold outside Walmart, sales fliers clutched in their pink hands. He or she will witness pushing, shoving, lying, cheating, scheming, sneaking and complaining, and promptly report back […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme, The Franklin Journal
Street Talk: Playing the game whether you like it or not
The game is called Knockout and it couldn’t be simpler. A group of young people, those gleaming representatives of our future, walk down a populated street looking for prey. And by prey, I mean you. Or your sister, or wife, or your brother or daughter. The goal of Knockout is (you may have gleaned this) […]