It wasn’t so much the break-in itself as it was the wrath of it. “There was glass everywhere,” the woman reported. “It was on the floor and all over the bed. All the drawers were open and clothes had been thrown everywhere. It was a disaster.” And it wasn’t just the bedroom that had been […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: Don't harsh my mellow
Flute Choir Ends Oasis Season This headline ran on Tuesday. I can’t stop looking at it. It soothes me. Portland Pie Company is coming!!!! Holy moly! People got leg-humping happy about this news. Portland Pie Company is one of those places that my wife tells me I love even though I have no clear recollection […]
advertisement
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Mark LaFlamme: Feed your head
Dude, vote for me At the Democratic State Convention last week, I ran into a nice lady in the parking lot who claimed to be running for one office or the other on the hemp platform. In fact, she had ground up her platform, sprinkled it into paper and twisted it into the fattest and […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: What happens on the Tilt-a-Whirl stays on the Tilt-a-Whirl
Bring an umbrella Well, well. It appears that a giant Elvis Presley balloon will be floating over the Twin Cities come August. You know the kind of effect Presley has on the older ladies. It will be fun to watch them fling their undergarments at The King when he’s 500 feet overhead. It’s gonna be […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: If you can find your glasses, you're going to love reading this
It’s been a few years now since the voodoo witch doctor optometrist put a curse on me. He was my wife’s eye doctor at the time and we ran into the fellow at the grocery store. After the usual grocery store pleasantries (“I see you bought the Charmin two-ply. How’s that working out for you?”) […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Can I interest you in a urinal cake?
Creepers They’re really out this spring. These are the people who, while sitting in traffic at a red light, will creep forward a few inches at a time in anticipation of the light turning green. Every few seconds they creep forward a little more, slamming on their brakes when they realize the light is still […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Mark LaFlamme: Who is low enough to steal this woman’s purse?
The gray-haired woman shuffled back and forth between the parking lot and the supermarket doors. She moved with some difficulty, yet she never paused to rest. Back and forth she went, peering into abandoned shopping carts along the way and into the shadows that formed as night deepened. “What am I going to do?” she […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Boogie fever
Night fever On a rainy Friday night in Lewiston, an irritated caller reported to police that there was a disco party happening downtown. A disco party! Cops hustled over to the brick house far out on Shawmut Street but there was, like, nobody there. You dig? One bright day in the middle of the night […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
River Rescue: Trying like hell for the happy ending
The man standing high atop the banks of the roaring Androscoggin River had a lot of questions and a lot of complaints. He stood with arms crossed near the edge of Riverside Drive, his face aglow with the red emergency lights that blazed all around. He scowled and shook his head in anger and disgust. […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: The casket, the keg and Lynyrd Skynyrd
Rusty was always specific when it came to funeral planning. “Man,” he’d say, whenever the topic of mortality arose at the midnight end of a pit party — which was like, always. “When I go, screw the flowers and all of that sad stuff. Put a keg on the lower lid of my casket and […]