Red faced Got a message from a nice lady who enjoyed my Wednesday column “Sympathy for the Dope Sick.” Such gushing praise. It went like this: “I usually can’t even make it halfway through your columns. They’re silly, stupid and they don’t make any sense. Not good. But this one was.” Aww. I’m blushing. You […]
talk of the town
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
The runaway hair and other capers
Tell it like it is Heard a police call the other night during which some downtown ne’er-do-well was reported to be acting strangely in the narrow dark between tenement buildings. The first cop to arrive in the area totally dispensed with the legal mumbo jumbo and tedious 10 codes and reported that the shady suspect […]
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Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
We're going to need a bigger boat
April showers The last time I complained about dreary, wet, gloomy, lousy, rotten, vaguely fish-smelling April weather, the day the column ran it was sunny bright and T-shirt warm. Clearly, I have powers you mortals can’t even comprehend. You don’t even know, man. So in hopes of sparking another warm, sunny weekend for us all, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Say it like you mean it
He went that-a-way A police foot chase one recent night came to an end right next to the Wendy’s drive-through window on Center Street in Auburn. See? This is exactly why, if I was a crook, I’d keep a red-headed pigtail wig and some fake freckles as a disguise. As it turns out, I already […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Hits from the '70s
Lights out The previous weekend was marked by repeated and sustained power outages across large sections of Lewiston. I should point out that in the case of an electrical outage, a battery-powered toilet light faithfully remains working, saving God only knows how many people from accidentally doing their business in bathtubs and sinks. Not to […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Let's blame the shadowy figures
What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Police were sent to East Avenue in Lewiston last week after a woman reported she came home and spotted a “shadowy figure” moving around at one of her windows. Nothing much came of the call, likely because the correct terminology was not used. It has always been […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: You can say that again
Save the date Show of hands. How many of you are still writing 2017 when you mean 2018 in your checkbooks, time sheets and personal diaries? Aggravating, ain’t it? To me, the years have been flying by so fast, I’ll occasionally write 2007 in the date field. Ah, 2007. Those were the days. I totally […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Wild horses and butt flaps
Do stormtroopers’ uniforms have butt flaps? Ya know? When I heard that people would be lining up for the new “Star Wars” movie (“Star Wars XVI: Darth goes in for a prostate exam”), I just knew that temperatures would dip down in the teens. Pity Carhartt doesn’t produce a fleece insulated Luke Skywalker outfit, ain’t […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Cleanup in aisle 9
Norway woman robs store with finger Wasn’t it just a week ago that I complained, in that spleeny way I have, that nobody ever used the cartoonish finger gun to commit robberies anymore? This woman (in Thursday’s Sun Journal) failed miserably, but you have to give her credit for appreciating the classics. Although, if she was […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Pickles for everyone!
Wrong turn, Clyde I cannot be the only guy here who has accidentally walked into the lady’s room at the Androscoggin Bank Colisee in Lewiston. It happened at a hockey game a few weeks ago and I’m still traumatized. I tell you, the way the restrooms are laid out over there, with the signs posted […]