All I wanted to do was eat my steak and three-cheese tortellini. It was a London broil, I believe, seasoned with garlic and grilled to a just barely warm center. I imagine it was delicious. I don’t know for sure because, as it did most nights during that period, the police scanner began to howl […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: It was a night just like this one
Newsroom of the living dead At some point while I was off on vacation, somebody left a cool plant (it came from Party’n With Plants Maine) on my desk. In it, a ghost boy in a news kiosk is surrounded by newspapers held down by leering jack-o-lanterns. Hanging above ghost boy are several news pages, […]
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Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: How to evade political discourse like a ninja
These are treacherous times. You’re meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time. You’re crazy about the lass and want to marry her, but you’ll have to get by Daddy, first. “So,” the old man says, the very moment you get settled in at the dinner table. “This has been some crazy election, hasn’t it?” […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town
Keeya! Saw a guy, perhaps 50 years old, swinging a pole Bruce Lee style on Walnut Street. He was doing pretty well with it, but then lost control, bonking himself in the eyebrow hard enough to make him swear and fling said pole into the street. I laughed so hard at this sight I had […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street talk: Look away, I’m hideous
When you live the life of high fashion like I do, you get used to being under the knife. A tuck here, a staple there. Something made bigger, something made smaller; something waxed, something peeled, something rejuvenated through weird scalpel sorcery. It’s part of the lifestyle. After a while you barely notice. OK, I’m lying. […]
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Talk of the Town: Pamela Anderson, in the study, with vegan poison
I cast thee out! I’ve got nothing to say about the election other than when it comes to presidential email spam, Hillary has Trump beat by leaps and bounds. I’m seeing roughly 50 emails a day from the Hillary team as they seek to assure me of her good works. And like spam from B. […]
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Talk of the town: Mired in the Lewiston Spooey
Easy-to-spot sophistication At a recent art show I was sent to cover, a woman, whom I now love intensely, said, “Aren’t you the crime and mayhem reporter? Why in heaven’s name do they have you out here covering arts and culture?” It’s nice when someone gets you. This car climbed Munjoy Hill Saw this bumper […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Please stop staring at my naked brain
It was a sunny Thursday afternoon and Dr. Douglas Henry was looking deeply into my eyes. So deeply, in fact, that he could see the lightning-storm array of blood vessels at the very back of my eyeballs. “Looks like you have a little freckle back there,” he said. A freckle on the back of my […]
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Talk of the town: Smell my pretty flower
I’ll have what he’s having I was sent out the other day for a report of somebody engaging in a sexual act in the area of Luiggi’s Pizzeria in Lewiston. I didn’t find anything up there, but you can understand how this kind of thing would happen. I mean, have you ever HAD a Fergi? […]
Posted inLewiston-Auburn, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Waking up is hard to do Part I
I have to be honest with you. When you called me at 1 p.m. the other day and I failed to answer, I wasn’t hard at work and I wasn’t busily running errands like a good boy. I wasn’t across town reading to the sick and infirm and I wasn’t bringing canned goods to elderly […]