As a reporter, it breaks your cold, black heart. The man you met in the parking garage is giving you gold — tales of corruption, back-room deals, cover-ups … and murder! TIP NUMBER ONE for aspiring reporters: The word “murder” should always follow the ellipsis for dramatic effect. It provides a suspenseful, film noir feel […]
Mark LaFlamme
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Fah who foraze THIS!
Ahhhhh! Not to mention ooooh! I know I grouse a lot about Christmas decorations, but once in a while I come upon a house so precisely decorated that I can’t help employing sounds and exclamations that are most commonly reserved for fireworks. Oooooh, in other words. Not to mention, ahhhh! There’s a house on Webster […]
advertisement
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Celebrate Monday, Dec. 8. Hey, it’s something.
I have before me information of such import, I fear for my well-being. Men in mirrored sunglasses, at this very moment, are parked outside my house in dark vans, aiming delicate electronics in my direction in an attempt to discern how much I know. I know it all, ’70s-looking super spies. And it changes everything. […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town: Has anyone ever seen Anderson Cooper and Elf on a Shelf in the same place at the same time?
Elf on a shelf Oh, dear God. I had no idea that this freakishly gaunt and spooky being would be back this season, but there he is. Everywhere you turn is a photo of His Elfiness in a compromising position. Here he is being barbecued on a spit. Here he’s passed out face-first in a […]
Posted inAdvertiser Democrat, Mark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Black Friday a taste of things to come
The foreshadowing is too striking to ignore — hordes of crazed men and women plowing through the doors of Wal-Mart in a hell-bent race to the goods. There’s a meme floating around the Internet comparing imagery from Black Friday with that of the classic zombie film, “Dawn of the Dead.” The similarities are spooky. Both […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme, sj-web
Talk of the town: Stocking stuffers that will get you booted from the family
I call this one “My back porch with snow on it” On Wednesday, the eve of Thanksgiving and the day of really big and annoying snow, the newish tradition of photo-bombing Facebook was underway. Photos of snow covering porch rails. Photos of snow covering tree branches, fence posts, cars and small children. Folks posting photos […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Fighting for the good stuff Buy the Pound
My friends, the fact that I’m here to write this column today is nothing short of a miracle. I have been inside the combat zone, a place of flying fists and gnashing teeth, yet I’m still here to talk about it. Now there’s something for which to give thanks when you’re sitting around the table […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the town: Here. Drink this. It will make you feel sexy.
Frog juice A nice lady wrote to tell me that she enjoyed my Wednesday column, but that her joy was diminished somewhat by a distracting story about blended frogs on a nearby page. We’re talking frog juice here, an amphibian liquid that can reportedly make a person feel sexier in just one gulp. In fact, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Street Talk: Really? We’re doing this again, Facebook friends?
I believe the inimitable Mark Twain stated it best when he said: “Begin your column with a quote from a famous person and distract your readers from the fact that you’re totally going to the Facebook well again.” He was stroking his mustache and puffing a cigar as he uttered those words of wisdom. OK, […]
Posted inMark LaFlamme
Talk of the Town: Who wants to hear ‘Gramma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ a couple hundred times?
Brr and whatnot Remember all those stories I wrote last winter about the polar vortex and all the good times that followed? No? Me neither. Let us not speak of it again. When it’s cold it’s cold. We don’t need four stinking syllables to pretty it up. The beast is back? Does this sound familiar? […]